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The History of Marriage

As far as Historians and Anthropologists can demise, the concept of marriage started when farming and agriculture became a way of life. Our earliest forefathers were hunters, killing wild animals for meat to feed their people. Our earliest foremothers were gatherers, collecting fruits, berries and seeds to supplement the meat in times of plenty and to replace the meat when meat was scarce or non existent.

It was the women, our foremothers, who started agriculture, the art of farming to produce food. Through their knowledge of which plants, berries and fruits were tasty and safe to eat, along with their observation of how new plants started, they began to collect the “seeds” from the many different plants. They carried these seeds with them, planting small patches of dirt along the way for food on their return trip back.

Soon the process of planting seeds for food provided larger quantities of food than the process of collecting and gathering seeds and berries for food. Following the herds of wild animals where the entire tribe collected their belonging and moved along with the herd became less desirable; and the system of having both a “summer” camp and a “winter” camp became more productive.

As women became more and more successful in their farming, men began to get involved in order to plant larger and larger patches of dirt or land. Now, only the most skilled hunters did the hunting.

As Nomads, wanderers, following the herds, our fore-parents did not have many possessions. They only kept what was necessary for survival. But with the more stationary existence that farming gave them, they could now own possessions that were more for beauty and pleasure and not just for survival. Along with possessions, this is mine not yours, came greed. And the concept of “the one who dies with the most toys wins” crept into their lives.

Death was an everyday occurrence in the lives of our forefathers. They understood that they could die at any time. So the idea of “who will I leave my toys to when I die” also crept into their lives. And so the story of marriage begins.v

Through observation, our forefathers understood that sexual intercourse caused a woman to become pregnant. Along with this understanding, came the insight that to limit “who” the woman had sex with, could ensure knowing who the father of her children were. So, originally, marriage was about controlling the sexual activities of the female to appease the male. Then as he lay dying, as he gave his belonging to his children, he could die peacefully knowing that his children were really “his” children.

Not all women were pleased with the new “marriage” idea, so rules and punishments for breaking the rules were put in place to ensure compliance. Shame was soon added as another tool to break down resistance. A woman’s body was deemed unclean, something she needed to hide, her menstrual blood was something foul, dangerous, something to be feared.

As hunters and gatherers, men and women shared the work to ensure survival of the tribe. Along with the sharing of the work, were shared rights and shared equality. Once the concept of marriage took hold, women’s equality and rights were diminished to allow men to take over and maintain control. With this loss of power for women, man gained control not just over her sexual activity; he now had ownership of her. He now had ownership of her body, her children, her possessions, her access to resources, her access to power and her access to wealth. He had ownership of her life. He had absolute authority. He was now in charge.

Women and daughters were now seen as “chattel”, part of a man’s possessions to do with as he pleased. Girl children were seen as a commodity to gain more wealth. Girls as young as 9 years old were “given” away in marriage, in exchange for cattle, or land. Arranged marriages were the norm. Most girls were married off as soon as they entered puberty, married to men 10, 20, 30 or more years older than them. The girls had no say in any of this. It was the way things were done. Love as a valid reason to marry is a relatively new concept and did not enter into the picture for many more centuries.

Throughout history, the primary goal of marriage was to control the sexual activities of the female. This ensured the blood line of the heirs, and to accumulate more wealth and power. Marriages were arranged by the families, with the bride not meeting or even knowing her husband to be until the day of the wedding. Marriage arrangements were like a business agreement or contract. Marriage had become an economic institution, a means of ensuring one’s economic future thru access to political, social and financial connections.

Even today, in many parts of the world, arranged marriages are still the norm, and punishment can be severe for those who dare to disregard the rules.