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Tell Them to Prove It
People will say all sorts of things, especially when their goal is to tear you down to build themselves up. That doesn’t make what they say true. So next time when someone says something hurtful to you, tell them to prove that what they just said is true. That’s right. Tell them to prove it. They won’t be able to, which shows that what they are saying isn’t true. They say you are fat. Fat compared to what, some skinny run-way model who is bulimic or a Sumo wrestler. They say you are stupid. Stupid compared to whom, a small child learning her alphabet or a scientist working on a cure for breast cancer.. He says you are nothing without him. Really, you were just fine before he came into your life and you will be ten times better, smarter and stronger after he is gone. They say you are sinful and will burn in hell. Except, no one has ever returned from the dead to confirm that there really is a hell. They say that sex before marriage is wrong. That God doesn’t want you to have sex until you are married. Again, tell them to prove it. Again, they won’t be able to.
All this is about who’s in charge. It’s about rules and who has the control. Rules made up by those who happen to have gained control and put themselves in positions of power and authority and made up the rules for everyone else to obey. Rules, customs, traditions, they are all the same thing with different labels. Only with time and the determination of women coming together to demand change, will the rules and customs change.
It used to be the custom for women to wear corsets that were pulled so tight that internal organs were pushed out of place and even a rib or two got broken. It was the Abolitionists, the original fighters for women’s rights, who saw the connection between what society and fashion dictated that women should wear and the freedom women had to be self governed. It used to be the custom to bind the feet of women because women with small feet were considered to be more beautiful then women whose feet were not bound. Today, in some parts of the world, it is the custom to remove a young girl’s clitoris and sew the genital lips together. Called female circumcision, it is usually performed on girls between the ages of 4 and 12 years old, though there is some evidence that it has also been done on little girls as young as 2 months old. Today it is the fashion custom for young women to wear high heel shoes, which completely distorts their posture, and can result in curvature of the spine along with painful knee and hip problems. It is also almost next to impossible to run away from a would-be rapist in a tight skirt and high platform shoes. All of these fashion restrictions serve to restrict the physical movement of the female which in turn restricts her psychologically and politically.
So next time, when someone says a mean and hurtful thing, know that it isn't about you at all. It is really all about them. It is more about their wanting to gain some degree of power and control over you to satisfy some need in them.