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It Is Not Your Fault
Lack of power builds rage. Rage turned inward breeds self hatred, self loathing and a whole host of negative feelings, actions and reactions. It is the nature of young children to blame themselves for the bad things that happen. Mom & dad are fighting, it’s their fault.. Dad left, it’s their fault. As children mature, boys tend to now blame outside forces. Girls continue to blame themselves. It is a sad mixture of power. You believe that some action you took or failed to take was so powerful that you made these horrible things happen. Yet, in truth, you feel totally powerless to have any control or affect in what is happening. Society adds to this self blaming that we female get caught up in. She was raped; well it had to be her fault. Look what she was wearing. Or, what was she doing outside of her home after dark? She was asking for it.
It is not your fault. You cannot take the blame if you have no power over the outcome. You can only take responsibility for yourself. If the adults in your world do stupid or hurtful things, that’s their responsibility not yours. It is their job to make your world safe and keep you out of harm’s way. It is not your job to take care of them. Stop blaming yourself and let yourself off the hook. Can you take an action that could make things better? Maybe. You could start by talking to someone like a school counselor or trusted teacher. You could call a national hot line. You could join a support group for other teens that are struggling with similar situations. You can get help for you to feel better, not to rescue any of the adults in your world, but to tap into your own inner strength that will help you deal in a healthy way with whatever it going on.